Except they won't. Or, don't have to be. Why do people still insist on using phrases like this? I was recently on facebook and someone I don't know commented on a friends status post about potty training. My friend was having trouble with potty training her son who is about the same age as Stan and this women commented "Boys tend to be harder as they concentrate on things less". REALLY? I mean, REALLY???!!! Are you actually serious? I was so shocked to read this. It made me (probably unnecessarily) angry. In this day and age with all the problems we have with boys not doing so well at schools (according to statistics), women, and mothers (I checked, she has two children, a boy and a girl) feel the need to stereotype children this young. She has basically written off her son and all boys with this silly comment. Do you not think if we continue to tell boys they are no good, concentrate less etc then they will go on to do just that.
Many parents still seem so set on putting girls and boys into these.....dare I say it, pink/blue camps? I often even hear myself at playgrounds justifying Stanley's timid behaviour that he is shy and doesn't want to go down the slide with all the other boys. Why do I end up laughing it off sometimes and I'm so ashamed to say I've even be known to make fun of his cautious ways to other parents to fit in in all this stupid playground/playgroup parent hierarchy.
Why do boys have to be more boisterous and loud and girls quiet, sensible and thoughtful in their play. I know this to be untrue just in the small friendship group I share. I have friends with kids who have boys that are playful, loud and sometimes unruly, but I know many friends daughters that are also the same - and what fun they are! I also know quiet sensitive cautious boys (Stan being one of them) but I know girls that have similar traits. What does it really matter anyway how quickly they walk, talk, learn to go down a slide, potty train? Surely all we should be focusing on it letting them enjoy being who they are, and a CHILD, no matter what that might be and how that fits in with what is the 'norm'.
YES! Everybody has a different personality/different traits, why not celebrate it instead of judging. x
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree more. My son has his heart set on some pink flowery trainers, wish I was brave enough to just buy them for him. I am also guilty of saying things I don't mean to fit inauthentic playground. Have you to a steiner school nearby? I joined a Steiner toddler group and it is the best thing for escaping the usual crap xxxlaura
ReplyDeleteI love this perspective -- thank you!!
ReplyDeleteI'm with ya girl. And Hooper too is the shy kid at the playground. He'd rather hold my hand or be within a foot radius of me than play with the other kids. I love him for who he is, obviously. Maybe him and Stan can go down the slide together... :) xo
ReplyDeleteI totally agree, and even though we are the slight opposite of Stan, I constantly feel I have to justify Theo's loud and yes (a lot of the time!) unruly behaviour by the fact he is a 'boisterous boy'. I wonder what I would say if I had had a girl and she had the same personality as Theo? But I guess the problem is, is that we feel we need to justify our children's behaviour to other people all the time, and for that I'm pretty guilty!
ReplyDeleteAnd the crazy thing is, is that we have to justify ourselves and children to other parents?! People with children of their own, who know what children are like and capable of, but still feel the need to judge and not be understanding of different behaviour and personalities, and then label them into gender camps on top of it all! It makes me mad too!
I'm so glad to have two boys who are chalk and cheese in their behaviour. It's really useful to be able to say to those who stereotype, with huge amounts of experience, that it wasn't the case with my first-born.
ReplyDeleteI hate all those awful t-shirts for boys that say 'cheeky monkey' or suchlike. Drives me mad, and I really try hard to dress my kids in a neutral way, and not say things to pigeon-hole them according to gender. Find it weird that people subscribe to this nonsense!
I'm totally with you on this, stereotyping is lazy and it doesn't do anyone any good... Last summer Henry wore Coco's cast off pink sandals all summer and people always laughed and quite often asked 'ooh, what does your husband think about that' as if I was trying to turn his son into a girl or something? They were just some pink sandals... and what was worse is that people said things like that in front of Coco (who was 4) reinforcing a gender 'rule' that she was already subscribing to despite me trying desperately to resist it.
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